Harus Bisa

I’ve wanted to volunteer teach at the local special needs school (SLB) since arriving here. I’ve noticed that people refer to people with special needs as “abnormal” and make really offensive jokes. People do that in America, too, but it seems more prevalent and acceptable here.

So my goal is to start volunteering there and to eventually recruit some of my middle school students to help, too, so that they can be exposed to this demographic and realize that there’s nothing “abnormal” about them. I want them to realize that their offensive jokes are not funny, and as a result, share their realization with others.

Last week, I asked SLB if they wanted some help. I’m assigned to Indonesia as an English teacher. I conveyed this to the teachers at SLB. I thought they’d want me to teach English. But they had something else in mind, something beyond my skill and perhaps comfort level.

Basically, they think the perfect job for a native English speaker is to teach traditional Javanese dance to Javanese students.

Let me preface by saying I’m not a dance teacher, and I have no idea what a traditional Javanese dance looks like. But I have YouTube with me. And my willingness to try everything once despite how foolish I look. I can’t imagine this is the assignment they want me to take on. It’d be an amazing sight to see an unskilled American girl teach Javanese dance to Javanese students. I smell a prank coming on.

Naturally, I sought help from a dance teacher at my middle school. I kept saying the following affirmations:

“I can’t dance”

“I can’t teach dance”

“I can’t do this!”

He said I need to stop saying I can’t do it. The students need me. They will be entertained, and since I have experience with special needs students, it’ll be a good experience for everyone involved. He said I need to stop saying I can’t do it. He said:

“Harus bisa.” I must be able to do it.

His affirmation is a lot stronger than mine. His is more positive. I may have no experience at all with this assignment, but I have to try. I’ve pushed myself so much these past eight months without having the experience. So why can’t I also do this?

Starting February, I will be a volunteer English teacher moonlighting as a traditional Javanese dance teacher. Bring it on!

New Environment

I’ve been in Indonesia for eight months, and it still feels like a new environment. I have a better handle on the language and social norms than I did a few months ago. But it still doesn’t feel like home. And I’m afraid it never will.

I assumed I’d fall completely head over heels in love with this country. And although I dearly love several aspects, I’ve had to redefine a lot of my values to suit the new environment. Adapting was an expected aspect of Peace Corps service, but I didn’t realize just how much I had to sacrifice. I’m still on survival mode when I’m supposed to be fully adjusted, and it’s making life very confusing. Thoughts that cross my mind:

Which level of Javanese am I supposed to use for this person? (there are about three or four levels of Javanese)

How should I go about walking past this person?

Wait. Which hand am I supposed to use to accept that plate of rice?

Things don’t always go as smoothly as I hope, and the kicker is: I’m starting to forget my American habits and values. They say transitioning back to America is just as hard as transitioning to our Peace Corps country. After expressing this to my mom, she assured that my eight-year old niece would be there to police my behavior and make me American again. As much as I appreciate that attention, I’d prefer if someone here would help me become Indonesian.

Indonesia will continue being a new environment to me until I find that one thing or person that’ll propel me forward. Until then, I’m thinking it’s okay to accept that plate of rice with the wrong hand. Here's to the next 18 months figuring it all out!