Ngomong Opo?

I’ve been living here for more than a year, and my Indonesian is not where I want it to be. I was arrogant in the beginning of my service. My language skills were budding, and I thought it would be so easy to become near to fluent living in the village. I thought I’d be conversing with grace and joking with flair. The truth is I can barely order a hot tea. My bad pronunciation is no longer considered cute. It’s just a sign of my incompetence.

I can converse Indonesian with people that know me well. They are used to how I speak, my sentence structure, and intonation. I can talk to them easily. But with people I just met or the waiter at the café, no cigar.

The weirdest thing about this language deficiency is that I’m more comfortable speaking in the local dialect, Javanese, rather than in the national language. While this skill is helpful for getting close to people in my village, it’s completely inappropriate when used in formal situations, which occurs quite often.

I just want to preface that Peace Corps prepared me well in terms of language acquisition. I practiced a lot during training. I practiced with the taxi drivers, my neighbors, and my host family. Things were looking good. I guess I just got lazy when I moved to permanent site. I actively sought out the English speakers in my area and neglected to practice every day with my host family. So while I improved my public speaking skills (in English) and improved my joke telling skills (in Javanese), my Indonesian vocabulary went down. It’s my own fault.

I’m thankful that most people in my province mix Javanese and Indonesian in their daily speech, so whenever my laziness to practice Indonesian leads to a miscommunication or misunderstanding, I briefly excuse my incompetence with the Javanese question:

“Ngomong opo?” (What did you say?)

This usually delights people and tricks them into thinking I’ve totally mastered Indonesian and have moved on to Javanese. They don’t realize that I haven’t even answered the question. This is not a proud moment for me. It actually depresses me, but I’m trying to just survive. My mood is further dampened after I go to my favorite café and try to order a simple hot tea using Indonesian. The waiter replies:

“Ngomong opo?”

Curses! Foiled again!

Peace Corps Chic: Looking Rough in the Rice Fields

We get a lot of free time as Peace Corps volunteers. While most of my time is spent strengthening relationships I’ve developed with the Indonesians in my area, this past holiday stretch has sent most home to spend time with their families. So I spent a lot of time with other volunteers and myself these past few weeks.

First unfortunate realization: I tend to overdue it with the biking when I’m bored. From my experience, biking helps relieve some of the craziness that often envelops me when I spend too much time indoors. I start to doubt my service. I wonder why I’m still here. Am I making a difference? These are the questions that have been plaguing me for the past year. Even though I know I am actually doing projects and am not sitting on my ass, being indoors for hours can cause me to forget all that I’ve been doing. So I bike. A lot.

The first few kilometers are enjoyable. But after realizing I have nothing else planned for the rest of the day, I bike more. A few kilometers turn into several that eventually turn into 50-60 kilometer days. I’m the fittest I’ve ever been, and I’m proud of that. But I need to rest. I am always exhausted, and it doesn’t help when Ibu yells at me for looking so ugly and tired when I come home. Although it’s not ideal, I’d rather be exhausted than crazy.

Second unfortunate realization: Indonesia doesn’t look good on me anymore. The increase in biking and chain-smoking has left me feeling and looking exhausted. I miss the days back home when I could wear make-up, short dresses, and a clear face. This no longer happens here. What one volunteers calls “Peace Corps chic” has overwhelmed my entire lifestyle. I no longer feel pretty. I feel rough, and I look it.

First fortunate realization: I have ten more months of my Peace Corps service. I have a few cool projects I’m excited to see to completion, and I’m especially excited to be able to work on these projects with the very cool Indonesians in my life.

Second fortunate realization: Despite my looking rough, I’ve found someone who appreciates me just as I am. Although I’d rather he know my American self, it’s taken me a long time to get to the point of accepting myself just the way I am, Peace Corps chic and all. And perhaps that’s the best realization and the only one worth remembering. :)