Added Pressure

Our trip to Kenya has been indefinitely postponed. And all the volunteers who were supposed to go will be reassigned to different countries with different assignments. This process may take several months, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who is feeling the pressure to figure out what to do for the next several months. I keep telling myself:

“You have to let the added pressure move you forward, not drown you.”

But the setback has me drowning in pity for myself because I feel stuck. I should easily move on to the next leg of my career goal, which is graduate school. But I want to do the Peace Corps before graduate school because I expect the experience to mentally and emotionally prepare me for the new level of academic rigor that graduate school demands. Basically, I feel unproductive, which is a feeling I do not welcome.

To drag out this pity party, I still feel like a kid and I need to get over that by drastically changing how I live my life. But I can't really do that until I start this Peace Corps journey. I need to transform into a person who is ready to accept adulthood because I currently do not.

At my current mental state, I’m reminded by Robert Frost’s poem,

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"

Whose woods these are I think I know. 

His house is in the village though; 

He will not see me stopping here 

To watch his woods fill up with snow. 

My little horse must think it queer 

To stop without a farmhouse near 

Between the woods and frozen lake 

The darkest evening of the year. 

He gives his harness bells a shake 

To ask if there is some mistake. 

The only other sound’s the sweep 

Of easy wind and downy flake. 

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. 

But I have promises to keep, 

And miles to go before I sleep, 

And miles to go before I sleep. 

I’m still committed to serve because I know Peace Corps will be worth the wait. And I expect the journey to be "dark and deep." I expect Peace Corps to challenge me in unexpected ways. I expect to develop new skills that could only develop from overcoming adversity. 

The only thing I wasn't expecting was the journey to the start of the real journey.