Light A Candle

I’m reassigned as an English teacher in Indonesia starting March 2014. Since I gave up my real job a month ago because I expected to leave for Kenya in October, I’ve been looking for seasonal and part-time work to keep me busy. So I applied for an activity aide position at a nursing home where my sister works, and I was basically hired. The job seemed super cool with lots of interaction with different kinds of people. I’d be leading BINGO games and doing sensory exercises with the residents. It all seemed like a productive use of my time for the next four months. The Activities Director approved of my choice to serve in the Peace Corps. She also really needed the help so didn’t mind my four-month stay. But when the HR manager found out how long I planned to stay, I was un-hired. 

In this unfortunate situation, I could do two things: move on or dwell.

I could have considered lying to the HR manager, saying I’d stay longer then quit when I eventually leave for Indonesia. But that would weigh on my conscience. I could have damned the whole facility and stayed angry for not being given the opportunity to grace its residents with my charisma. But would that solve anything?

A proverb:

“Look at what you’ve got and make the best of it. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”

But sometimes I pride myself for writing down every thought and emotion I have that I think it’s self-reflection when I'm really just over thinking. Ranting is not self-reflection. Dwelling on the past is not self-reflection. Looking to the past can be helpful if you're using those mistakes as a jumping off point to start negotiations with yourself. Is it time to change my behavior? What does this mistake mean for me in the long-run? 

It can be hard to spot the over thinking when emotions run high. I always thought it was a good thing to be aggressive when it came to expressing how I feel, but perhaps the aggression should be redirected in a positive way. Instead of plotting some grand revenge, I should be using that energy to thinking about the next opportunity. 

I’m still bummed I didn’t officially get the job, but it's no use letting the bitterness rule my life. Time to move on. Time to learn from my mistakes. Time to tweak my resume a bit more for the next interview. 

Afterward, I enjoyed some retail therapy. I went rogue and bought very trendy pants (I think they’re pants) from Forever 21. I typically wouldn’t buy pants there but until Indonesia, I will try to be more stylish. We all need roles to play to make life more interesting. And please take note that “try” is the keyword. I just hope I don’t look like I’m trying too hard.