My Own Force Awakens

I just watched the new Star Wars film. Having stopped being a hardcore fan several years ago, I thought seeing the film would be just kinda fun. I had no expectations of it getting me out of this funk I've been having for a while. Seeing the film totally did that. That film was everything I needed in life. I’m so recharged. I’m not one for making resolutions, but considering my heightened mood from the film, I’d like to list down some things I’d like to work on:

1. I want to be a better daughter, sister, and aunt. After living in family-oriented Indonesia for nearly two years, I’ve been exposed to the great benefits of a strong family. I was raised in an Asian household, but my parents adopted many American habits. My parents encouraged me to be independent and to take care of myself before helping others. While I still believe that is a noble path, I want to be completely there for my mom, my sisters, and my little niece. They’re everything. After my father passed away last month, I feel a sense of responsibility that I cannot wholly fulfill being thousands of miles away, but I will. 
2. I want to be a better Peace Corps volunteer. I have less than six months left of service. I’m so excited to get back to America and to apply everything I’ve learned. But I’m still here, so I want to stay in the present. I’ve halfheartedly picked up mediation to stay in the present, but it is hard. There are so many things I want to do back home, and I often feel like I’m done with this job and am ready to move on. But I know that’s not possible. I’ve made a commitment, and I’m going to finish this on a good note.
3. I want to cut down on smoking. Most of my adventures in Indonesia have been on my bike. I’ve sadly realized that I can’t climb on my bike. My smoker lungs simply won’t allow me. I can do over 100km on a straight road in one day, but a few steep hills? No cigar. I know it’ll be easier to cut down in America because it’s less socially acceptable there, but I will slowly start here. It took my father five whole years to fully quit smoking. I am not ready to quit, but I’m ready to cut down for those beautiful Indonesian rice fields I’ve yet to climb up on my bike. 
4. I want to continue my writing. I know I’m not a great or super compelling writer, but I’d like to become an essayist, not unlike David Sedaris. Big dreams. The only way to get even close to that is to write every day. So here’s my Tuesday effort for you. 
5. I want to be more social. For those that know me well, I’m a shy person because I’m afraid of saying stupid or nonsensical things. I mean, sometimes I’m just socially selective, but most of the time, I’m afraid you’re going to think I’m stupid. This is unhealthy I realize. I can be really brave when it comes to work, and I’d like that to translate smoothly to my personal life. 

Why did the new Star Wars film inspire me to write this? That Rey character is pretty fucking awesome. She’s also super fit, which attracts me so much. Regardless of where she’s from or what insiders say about her parentage, she’s a good person. She saves that little droid from capture, she refuses to sell it despite its worth, and she promises to bring it back to where it belongs. Further, she uses the Force like a pro. Was she even trained? Does part of me want to be just like her? Uh yeah! But sometimes I engage in the Indonesian habit of saying I’ll do something and never do it. It’s going to take me a long time to get to that Rey status, but I’m willing to work on it. In the meantime, I’m going to work on the few things I’ve listed above and hope it’ll get me someplace good.