Bad Habits

Along with my smoking, crossing of the legs, and using the left hand, a bad habit that’s been hard to quit is my feelings toward people back home. There’s one person in particular I can’t shake, and every obsessive thought seeps in and overtakes a part of my experience here. Tidak bagus!

I’ve had the great fortune of being introduced to the comic Calvin and Hobbes. The insightful Calvin says to Hobbes:

“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”

I like to excuse my smoking and my obsessing as doing nothing. I like indulging in doing nothing. But honestly, these bad habits aren’t just nothing. Nothing can be just nothing and can be healthy if done in moderation. However, doing nothing in dollops can be unhealthy.

One aspect of the human condition I try to avoid is sappiness, but my current condition’s got me playing Katy Perry’s “The One That Got Away” on repeat:

“I should have told you what you meant to me 

Cause now I pay the price” 

To be honest, this person meant a lot to me. But I didn’t really do anything about it. I pay the price every day I’m here. I daydream and fantasize and sometimes neglect to see the beauty in front of me. This realization is killer.

Perhaps one of my most self-destructive is the habit of fantasizing future scenarios: confrontations, reunions, and vendettas. I like to think that when I come home from Indonesia, I’d make the opportunity to confront the one that got away. But that honestly won’t happen.

I need to develop good habits of letting go and moving on. Indulging in so much nothing can’t be good for you. They say you are what you eat. I heartily believe you are what you think. I’ve been thinking about a whole lot of nothing lately. And that’s not what I want to be. He may have been the one that got away, but I’m not going to let who I am follow.