Donning Hulk Mode

I get a lot of attention in my village. When I say hi to an Indonesian on the street, my accent is apparent and I receive giggles in return. But because I’m Filipino-American and can pass for native Indonesian by appearance, I don’t get as much attention as the other trainees.

The bulk of what Indonesians know about Americans is from the movies. Movies like Herby and Home Alone inform Indonesians about what an American can and I guess should look like. Sometimes I get jealous when my fellow trainees are hailed down the street with:

“Bule! Bule! Hey Meester! Meester! How are you, Meester?”

I know it sort of annoys the trainees. Bule is derogatory. I don’t honestly want to be victim of derogative remarks also, but I am trying to convey the frustration I experience when not being automatically identified as American has caused me stress.

For example, principals have already asked during school visits if I am in fact American and can speak English. I understand where they’re coming from. Those principals want to make sure that the native English speakers they requested are actually native English speakers. And if all they assume about Americans comes from the movies, I shouldn’t be surprised by this question.

Despite that understanding, every time I have to answer that question, I feel so disrespected. My blood boils. I start to feel like the Hulk. My veins start to bulge (metaphorically), my shoulders expand (metaphorically), and my pants button pops off (metaphorically and literally because I’ve been eating so much rice lately).

As I open my mouth to respond to this ignorant, yet culturally fair, question, one of my fellow trainees becomes my ally and responds for me:

“Of course she’s American. She was born in America.”

Despite the affirmation, the principals still look skeptical, but at least they put off their interrogation. Because of my allies, I won’t need to don Hulk mode. But when I move to my permanent site after training, my allies will not be close by. Instead, I’ll have to make new ones. I will struggle through that process, but it can be good for me to practice how to accommodate ignorance despite the turmoil it causes my inner Hulk. After all, we can’t blame people for their ignorance. But we can take that as an opportunity to understand in hopes to educate. Basically, that’s the bulk of why I’m here.